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London, UK
Senior Tory officials have begun to seriously
debate the option of appointing a foreign leader dialysis reporters
have learned. Following the success of the Sven Goran Eriksson England
football manager and the consistent failure of balding no marks to
lead the party back to power the radical move has moved 'a step closer'
according to senior Tory officials. 'The idea of bringing in a foreigner
was first mooted around the time of the Hague challenge,' a Tory insider
told Dialysis, 'but was quickly ruled out on the grounds that the
British public would be unlikely to accept foreign leadership of one
of it's most important roles. But times have changed and we feel the
public would now be ready to accept a big foreign name with an established
record in Europe.' Possible names in the frame would include both
Jean Marie Le Pen, fresh from election success in France and Silvio
Burlusconi, who has already had several terms in Italy amounting to
nearly a year in power. The radical move is to be applauded as that
of a party that recognises it is internally bereft of both ideas and
talent but is willing to address the issue. And with foreign leadership
at the helm of the English, Scottish and Irish soccer teams perhaps
the prospect of a foreign leader making key decisions for the British
people is already acceptable, the incumbent Labour government certainly
seem to think so. |
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Virgina,
US
Speaking to senior members of the Natioanl Rifle Association, NRA
President Charlton Heston has condemned the actions of the Washington
sniper beleived to be responsible for four 'hit' style killings in
the washington area. 'No matter how accurate these shootings have
been, in what must have been difficult light and weather conditions,
the actions of the Washington sniper or snipers cannot be condoned
by the NRA. I would implore those responsible to hand themselves over
to the authorities as soon as possible, at which time we will be able
to review their membership of the organisation.' Heston's words are
the most scathing NRA comment on gun crime since the organisation
decried the poor marksmanship that saw Texan Hank Schmidt kill three
family members whilst trying to shoot an intruder in his home in April
1994.
New
York, USA
Book You!, publishers of the new 'Little Book of Fucking' have defended
their pocket version of the seminal lover's guide, the Kama Sutra
which strips out much of the spiritual content of the original and
instead contains a selection of graphic images of positions. 'In today's
busy world' spokesperson Byron Fingall said, 'the modern man or woman
is bombarded with sex advice and in depth articles, so much so that
the Kama Sutra is virtually redundant as a read but we feel we have
encapsulated the timeless attraction of pictures of people fucking
with this new volume.'
London,
UK
Under fire Home Secretary David Blunkett
has bowed to pressure from the tabloid press and agreed to erect signs
encouraging asylum seekers to turn back from Britain's beleagured
ports. The signs, a massive 20m x 30m will be designed by leading
ad agency M&C Saatchi and exhaustively detail the negative side
of life in Britain including the impending inevitability of terrorist
attacks, appalling summers and proliferating number of boy bands in
a number of languages. Tory leaders have decried the measure calling
it 'too little, too late' and slamming the government for failing
to include a crumbling transport system and the lack of good sushi
restaurants outside London.
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Oxford, UK
Radiohead have returned to the UK music scene
with a first singles album since 2000. 'OK Commuter' mixes the bands
trademark enigmatic lyrics with radical samples taken from journeys
lead singer Thom Yorke made across London on public transport in March
and April of this year.
A band spokesman described the album as a radical departure from all
music that has come before, it takes the concept of 'tunes' and passes
it through a filter born of the 20th Century but fashioned for the
21st.' The NME was quick to praise the album calling it 'the second
coming of the Messianic spirit of krafwerk's autobahn' and insisting
the album was not in anyway 'onanistic toss'.
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Tories
to consider appointing foreign leader
