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 Seattle,
US
A spokesperson for Bill Gates, billionaire
chairman of Microsoft has played down what he described as 'alarmist'
reports in the press recently surrounding the purchase by the software
mogul of the volcanic island of Ouwatu, 700 miles east of Fiji. Calling
a report in the National Enquirer, 'sensationalist, movie driven journalism'
the spokesperson also sought to explain the hiring of a 2000 strong
workforce on temporary contracts who have been living on the island.
'The workers are on the island to create an infrastructure in this
previously uninhabitable place and realise the vision of Mr Gates
of turning Ouwatu into a place where he can relax and plan for the
future of the orgainsation in peace.' The spokesperson played down
reports in other newspapers that the work being undertaken on the
island goes a long way beyond mere habitat planning, saying, 'it is
true that stipulation was made amongst those hired that they have
no immediate family and extensive military experience but this is
perfectly understandable given both the length of the project and
the environment in which these men and women have to work, they are
all outstanding physical specimens.' |
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London, UK
Infertile Daily Mirror readers are to be
given the opportunity to win one of Jordan's ova in an 'innovative'
new competition. Editor Reece Daniels has been defending the competition
against charges of immorality by declaring that the model is committed
to giving a childless couple the chance to experience her own joy
of parenthood. The Editor also claimed that the paper has recieved
over 5000 entries already and declared, 'I don't know why people have
been so up in arms about this, it's not as if the child will definitely
end up like Jordan, we have a significant ABC1 readership.'
In
an historic ceremony on Tuesday members of the Provisional IRA, Unionist
MPs and observers from the UN watched as the remaining arsenal of
the terrorist group was posted on auction web-site e-bay. The first
digital picture, of an AK47 attack rifle, was posted to the site at
6:01pm and the final item, a month old 2kg block of Semtex plastic
explosive in mint condition, went on the site 17 hours later. After
the marathon posting negotiations
began to establish where any profits from the sale would go with the
parties deadlocked over investing the money in charities dedicated
to overcoming religious tension in the province and purchasing some
excellent contemporary art.
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Prague,
Czech RepubliCzech
author Milan Kundera, widely respected for his incisive writing on
the tenuous connection between reality and the human condition, amazed
the literary world yesterday at a Press Conference held by his publishers.
Kundera, speaking through an interpreter to symbolise the difficulty
of communication in a modern world driven by marketing demands
declared his new book to be a searing indictment
of fashion's demands for a universal body beautiful in the face of
growing obesity in the western world. The author added that the irresolvable
dichotomy should not be deemed the fault of manufacturers but rather
their constant reassertion of the need for thinness was the west's
best hope for preventing an obesity epidemic.
London,
UK
Culture secretary Chris Smith today bowed to demands from various
media magnates and agreed to lower Britain's common denominator to
bring it in line with the rest of Europe. Speaking to The Guardian
Mr Smith said, 'It is this government's belief that Britain will benefit
from closer ties with Europe and a uniform common denominator should
enable our working classes to establish a keener appreciation of low-brow
european entertainment.' The ruling is expected to lead to an increase
in soft pornography, game shows and reality TV which has been criticised
in some quarters. However media expert Hans Jonas told dialysis that
the effect is likely to be virtually unnoticeable to all but media
experts and suggested the nationwide effect would be akin to Channel
5's first two years of broadcasting. |
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