|
Dover, UK
In a result that is being heralded as 'the dawn of a new age
in multi-cultural Britain' and derided as 'the inevitable consequence
of apathy' Romanian Socialist party candidate Dejan Hagi resoundingly
defeated competition from the established British political
parties to win the Dover by-election. With a voter turn-out
of merely 16% commentators feared a triumph for the BNP, but
instead it was the quietly spoken Romanian dentist Hagi, who
only arrived in the country in 1999 who will today take up
his seat in the mother of all parliaments. Hagi admitted to
reporters that many of his parent party's policies would be
unnecessary to pursue in Westminster, 'a land dispute with
Albania is less vital to Romanians living in Dover' he admitted,
'however my party's core policies of reform of an ageing and
underfunded health service and a woefully delapidated public
transport infrastructure segue very nicely into UK politics.'
Labour's defeated candidate Henry Agyemang hailed the victory
as an example to an apathetic indigenous nation of the power
of the democratic to stimulate the disenfranchised but also
admitted he was disappointed to have lost a safe labour seat
to a newly formed party whose policies have little relevance
for the rest of the country, privately telling friends that
he was 'unsure of his standing at Labour HQ after this setback.'
|
|
London, UK
Producers at ITV's 'Wish you
were here?' are desparate to put one over on BBC and Discovery
rivals by being the first travel show back into Iraq. Dialysis
has learned that researchers are scanning past travel guides,
news reports and even satellite imagery to establish which
ancient sites remain intact in preparation for the show. Even
with the possibility of a blanket purge of antiquities the
market for terror tourism (Ground Zero is one of the most visited
sites in New York) is beleived to be strong enough for the
country to establish the
first
flush
of an industry. Assistant
producer Karen Richards told a close friend, 'the competition
for travel shows is hotter than ever and all of us want to
be seen to be at the cutting edge, so the moment we get wind
of the first guest house offering banana pancakes we'll be
sending someone in there.'
Hollywood, US
British actor Hugh Grant has followed Hollywood's trend setters
by insuring his trademark fringe. Grant, famed for his portrayal's
of one character in a number of films has struck a deal with
Tokyo Marine that guarantees him compensation in the event
of the loss or theft of the fringe, or of it being destroyed
by
fire. A friend of Grant told reporters that the star has become
increasingly worried about rapacious fans seeking a lock of
his hair following his portrayal of English poet Alexander
Pope in his latest film and sought advice from the world's
leading insurers. 'In the end they persauded him that avaricious
fans were the least of his concerns and he settled for the
full protective package,' said the friend. Other stars who
have been driven to the insures after film success include
Julia Roberts whose legs were insured following 'Pretty Woman's
global success, and Pamela Anderson, whose breasts are insured
for a huge sum. Coincidentally Roberts lawyers are locked in
debate with Tokyo Marine following her casting in the new David
Lean film a biopic of Heather Mills.
|
Cambridge,
UK
Citing the recent publication
of the full chimpanzee genome on the web a group of Cambridge
based animal right's campaigners is seeking to register a
rescued chimpanzee on the eletoral role. The chimp 'Bauble',
named
in homage to the world's most famous chimp owner and because
he was rescued at Christmas, will be taken to Cambridge City
Council along with a petition signed by over 100 activists
and copious gentic evidence citing the mere 1% difference
in DNA between the animal and man. The group's leader, David
Pertwee told journalists that their action was in no way
a stunt, 'If we can succeed in registering baubles as a voter
in the Cambridge area it will mean that animal experimentation
on his brothers and sisters will automatically become a crime
in this country, comparable to GBH/ABH, and that will enable
chimps to sue companies like HLS. Of course if we get some
exposure for the cause at the same time we'll welcome it.'
he added.
Paris,
Fr
Fashion svengali's from the world centre's of Paris,
Milan, London and New York have
emerged from a ten day meeting to announce the latest round
of reshuffles in the hierarchy of colours. After deposing
Black several years ago it appears that Brown has fallen
out of favour with the fashionista with the former colour
regaining it's role, albeit in a role share with Green. Brown
will replace Green amongst the lesser colours. Amongst the
scrabble for the mid-table positions the vibrant hues of
red have replaced the burnt ambers of orange and pink has
moved across to become the old mauve. Reports that the meeting
was spilt over the inclusion of neon and luminous shades
for the first time, but that traditionalist amongst the panel
favoured a downgrading of the pastels that was unacceptable
to senior figures are, as yet, unconfirmed.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
Romanian
Socialist party sweep to victory in Dover by-election,