City of Liverpool in mourning as boy hits thumb with hammer, Liverpool, UK
Residents of Liverpool were again left reeling this week as news emerged that another scouser, 'a son of our city, one of our brightest and best.' as the Roman Catholic Bishop of Liverpool Canon Thomas Williams said in an address last Sunday, had been hit by tragedy. Young Thomas Mitcham, a seven year old Everton fan, pictured here on a round-the-world cruise paid for by spontaneous collections taken outside Anfield, Goodison Park and across the cities pubs on Friday and Saturday night, was helping his father mend a fence at the family home in Toxteth on Thursday of last week when he accidentally hit his thumb with a hammer, causing minor bruising and extensive tears. The news spread through the city like wildfire and both football clubs held a minute's silence to commemorate the tragedy before home games against Blackburn Rovers and Southampton at the weekend. After Sunday's services parishioners were visibly moved praising the reported bravery of Thomas and his family in the minutes following the incident and the speed with which the community of this often beknighted city had responded to calls for grief and self-doubt. Mary Sweeney of nearby Sefton Park told reporters outside the Anglican Cathedral that the people of Liverpool had once more demonstrated their compassion for 'one of their own' and shown the rest of the country that even in times of trouble the importance of family, community and friendship shone from the city like a beacon of light calling the rest of the world to take notice. The Mitcham family will fly back from Los Angeles where the cruise ends in three weeks time and are expected to speak to the press on their return. meanwhile a spokesperson for the family has stressed to concerned Liverpudlians outside of Merseyside that further donations should be sent directly to David Moyes.

Bear-baiting enthusiasts encouraged by fox-hunting riots, Surrey, UK
The strength of opposition to government proposals to ban hunting with dogs has galvanised the dormant but significant bear-baiting community into considering similar action. Bear-baiting has been outlawed in the UK since 1835 but is still quasi-legal in a number of non-european countries and members of the shadowy, British Society for Bear Baiting, the BSBB organise regular trips for members to participate in a sport that is, according to the BSBB's website, 'part of this countries proud rural heritage.' Recent protests against the proposed ban on fox-hunting have led to a move within the BSBB to bring the case for bear-baiting back to the debating table. A spokesperson for the BSBB, who refused to be named said, 'Bear-Baiting is no more cruel than fox-hunting and engenders the same passionate support from it's practitioners. We will be approaching the countryside alliance and members of the various cock-fighting associations to see if there is a common ground on which we can fight, although not with the foxes and bears and cocks, obviously.'

Nine kidnapped ahead of Al-Jazeera's Big Brother, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Capitalising on it's pre-eminence in the world of arab broadcasting, Qatar based television station Al Jazeera has announced it's intention to broadcast the area's first Big Brother style reality TV show. Producers have already taken the hostages that are to appear in the show and are promising an explosive mix of personalities and extreme religious beliefs coupled with an intriguing 'Who's that girl?' theme around the shows four burkah clad female participants. Tahar El Sadani, who will direct the 10 week show told reporters that participants had been taken from a number of arab countries including Qatar itself, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait and Syria but that a strict embargo was in place on revealing their identities. 'Many families across the region will be hoping that the recent disappearance of a loved one is down to them getting an opportunity of a life-time on Big Brother Qatar, rather than a genuine abduction, so the show should get off to an explosive start with some highly charged emotional scenes when the male housemates reveal their identities.' Voting will be by phone and text message but producers say wholesale rioting and looting in favour of any contestant will be counted in proportion. If the show is a success UN officials are promising to look at the feasibility of using it as a template for voting in the Iraqi elections in January 2005.





Investment bankers to be asked to take in pensioners for winter, Surrey, UK
A radical scheme to address discrepancies in the social fabric of the UK healthcare system has resulted in proposals for investment bankers to take in upto thirty of London's most at risk pensioners each over the Christmas period. The scheme, dubbed, 'A warm welcome from the banking community' has been well-received at over-strecthed old people's homes and shelters across the capital although there has yet to be a response from banking leaders. Under the terms of the scheme an independent ombudsman would allocate at risk pensioners to the London flats of the wealthiest of the city's high-rollers over the christmas period when trading banks close down. 'Huge areas of prime city real estate are left abandoned during the holiday season when pensioners can be most at risk from hypothermia. By annexing these properties we could ensure that many of those who have served our country will survive the cold snap and be able to indulge in some of the luxuries they fought and sacrificed to enable others to afford.' said scheme originator Albert Hodgkiss, 72.

National lottery executives celebrate ten years of wins, London, UK
The triumphant success of the national Lottery over the last ten years was celebrated last Monday with an eleven-course meal and private party for executives of Camelot, the profit making organisation that runs the various games, rebranded 'Lotto' in 2002. Executives toasted their own bonus and shares scheme as the party themed 'A winner every month' progressed into the early hours. Brief mention was made of the good works the Lotto has enabled, including the construction of a stunning water garden in the country home of chief executive Andrew Ocean and helping hundreds of young people into employment, fifty alone waiting tables at the event.


 
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