 , London,
UK
A Daily Mail expose published today accuses
the BBC website of having links to a number of extremist and terrorist
groups. 'Mail reporters have spent exhaustive hours trawling the
BBC site and have been horrified by what they have discovered.' an
editorial in the paper said, 'links to extremist organisations, proliferate
throughout the news section connecting would-be terrorists to like
minded individuals across the world and creating a tangled web of
intrigue.' Links cited by the Mail report include those to Al-Qaeda
sympathisers groups, Al-Jazeera news, pro-islam sites and BNP and
Sinn Fein sites. A BBC spokesperson defended the links saying that
the station had a duty to enable the reader to make an informed decision
about the days pertinent issues regardless of the extremity of the
views expressed, Alan Hill continued, 'every page on the site contains
a disclaimer that specifically states the fairly obvious fact that
the BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites and
I would hope that the population as a whole would trust the BBC to
point them in the direction of information that has already been
viewed by the journalist employed by the corporation. There's a whole
lot of much worse shit out there and the Mail would do well to get
on it's high horse about some of that.' A spokesperson for Al-Jazeera
told Dialysis that it refuted any suggestion that it was a terrorist
organisation but Sami El-Hussain went on, 'We at Al-Jazeera are
delighted to be linked to by the BBC as cover age on such a widely
respected site can only help our Google ranking.'
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, San Francisco,
US
Waving to friends before boarding a 747 bound for Mexico City, Abdullah
Hamid became the last practicing Muslim to leave the US but was at
pains to point out that he would love to return, 'as soon as the
prevailing atmosphere, even in this most liberal of towns, reverts
from it's current state of enmity and white hot loathing, to a more
sustainably one of simmering mistrust and latent racism.' Hamid,
a successful Systems Analyst has resisted calls for his departure
from his family and radical muslim groups, previously stating that
he loved America and wished to get his head down, take advantage
of the freedom to worship and work hard on the MSDB qualification
he had devoted the last two years of his life to.
, Reno, US
The seemingly endless stream of jokes,
mpegs and altered images that make up 26% of the average day for
office workers throughout the US has dried up sources across many
states have reported. Forwarding of 'funnies' is at an all time
low across the mid-west and in many parts of the south with only
the eastern and western seaboards and Chicago seeing levels anywhere
near the peaks of 1999. Office Manager Valerie Bingle from Reno,
Nevada told co-worker Hilary Stamp, 'When we first went online
in 2000 it seemed like every day there was another brilliant mail,
from 'The wisdom of Dilbert' to little video clips of cats doing
stupid things, even some of those 'women parking' ones were pretty
neat. But just lately there's been so few mails worth forwarding
that I've just dried up, some of many friends in other departments
must think I've died.' Harry Knapp, a systems analyst in Denver
concurs, 'These past two year's about the only things I've sent
on have been spoof Mastercard adverts, and there's only so many
of them you can send a month before someone jibes about you 'working
for Visa' like Casey did the other day. A recent Forbes report
suggested that the initial flurry of funnies was a result of people
stampeding to get any offline material they found amusing out to
their friends, but with the bulk of the funny offline material
in the world now circulating only genuinely new and amusing mails
make the cut in many people's filter. The report also highlighted
that productivity had risen sharply across the tertiary sector
since Q4 2002.
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Alabama, US
A meeting of leading clansmen
in Alabama has hailed Justin Timberlake, ex of teeny pop band
N'Synch, as the official 'White Supremacist's Michael Jackson.'
Speaking to a reporter from Klan Destine, the official newspaper
of the KKK, Grand Wizard Cleetus Stemp said, 'Klansmen like
dancing as much as the next man but we have suffered terribly
with the preponderance of black acts producing outstanding
rhythm driven music, for many of us this led to nauseating
guilt as we foot tapped and jigged to the likes of Billie Jean
and Bad. So we are delighted to be able to herald the saviour
of the Klan Disco scene. Timberlake has everything that Jackson
has, and one thing the latter aspires to, pure white skin.
Now we can dance the night away without the feeling of queasy
culpability that has hung like the stench of a Louisiana kitchen
over previous shindigs.' A spokesman for Timberlake said he
always appreciated the views of fans but would encourage the
Klansmen
to open
up to the true beauty of the world and all their brothers of
whatever colour or shade.
Heaven
Speaking after a private viewing
at the St Peter's gate multiplex God told waiting film critics
that Mel Gibson's movie 'The Passion of the Christ' had moved
him beyond words. Continuing in tongues the supreme ruler of
heaven and earth went on to express his renewed love for the
world, and his belief that he may have taken his son for granted
a little these last two thousand years, not really giving him
sufficient credit for the suffering he had endured. God went
on to say that it was also wonderful to hear Latin again after
all these years and commented that Jim Caviezel spoke Hebrew
'like a native'. God refused to be drawn on whether he believed
that Gibson's film was anti-semitic, commenting only, 'My people
will be my people' before moving on from the multi-plex by
dissipating into a million shards of white light which intertwined
before
shooting off in every possible direction, leaving the assembled
hacks with a suitably formulaic pay-off line. |
