Thousands of actors, actresses suspected in Kevin Bacon murder,
LA, US
Police in Los Angeles have been swamped with work after the death of actor Kevin Bacon in mysterious circumstances at his Hollywood home last week. Bacon's battered corpse was discovered in his bed, dressed in camouflage gear and with his left foot partially amputated, a pose that has led police to theorise that the crime was committed by a colleague. Det. Dick Kipowicz who is leading the investigation addressed a packed press conference yesterday and told reporters, 'Our profilers are convinced that this murder was committed by someone Bacon knew and most probably had worked with in the past. But Bacon was such a prolific performer in films, tv and on the stage over the past two decades that he can be connected to virtually every artiste in the industry. It's going to take some time to interview them all, and the problem has been compounded by the difficulty of landing interviews with many of these people, particularly those who have product out in the next few months, or who are on location.' Kipowicz continued, 'the public should have confidence though that this incident appears to be isolated and we don't have a celebrity serial killer on our hands, or even an normal serial killer specialising in celebrities.'


Michael Jackson turns translucent, escapes from police custody, LA, US
King of Pop Michael Jackson has escaped from police custody and is believed to be at large somewhere in California. Los Angeles Police and Cooke County jail medics believe the star took advantage of a rapid deterioration in the skin condition he has suffered from for many years. Vitiligo causes the lightening of patches of skin but police and medical professionals believe that Jackson's affliction has become so severe that the star is now virtually invisible. Cooke County jail Doctor Mark Greenwood told reporters, 'We believe that Mr Jackson was aware of his deteriorating condition and planned his escape based around it, he had recently shaved off all his visible body hair and fellow inmates had noted that he was looking even paler than he has been.' CCTV video cameras recorded Jackson going to sleep in his cell on the night of June 28th but when officers came to awaken him the next morning neither they nor the cameras found any sign of the chart-topper. Jackson is not believed to be dangerous, but has previously described himself as 'Bad.'


Ashton Kucher and Kurt Cobain surprise Courtney Love in Punk'd season finale, Seattle, US
MTV reality TV show Punk'd has pulled off it's greatest coup yet after re-introducing rock wild girl Courtney Love to the husband she thought committed bloody suicide over a decade previously. Host Ashton Kucher staged the reunion under the auspices of a casting for a new movie about Cobain's life in which the 'Butterfly Effect' and 'Dude where's my car?' star was slated to play Cobain. Love had been invited to the castings in a consultancy role and was recorded gasping and weeping uncontrollably when Cobain walked onstage after Kucher's audition was dismissed by 'director' Ron Howard. Cobain struck a deal to disappear from the rock scene with MTV back in the late 90's and has since been writing and unwinding in a secret location. The deal, struck at a time when rock's first couple were fighting constantly was so legally tight that Cobain couldn't break it even as Love spiraled into despair and drugs on hearing of his death.



Slipknot release hostages, enter negotiations, Iowa, US
Police say that progress is being made in the siege at Rick Rubin's LA studios. Angst-Metal band Slipknot have been holed up in the studios for nearly six months and police have become increasingly concerned about the fate a number of sound engineers and roadies who haven't been seen for several weeks. Det. Harry Earl told reporters, 'We were alerted to the situation when a number of local bar owners independently reported several regulars as missing persons, an investigation revealed that the common thread between those missing was their involvement in the recording of an album entitled "Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses." by the band Slipknot. Police surrounded the studios and begun negotiations with a number of masked figures inside. Two attempts have been made by special forces to storm the studios but on both occasions a barrage of white hot guitar noise has kept the troops at bay. A breakthrough was eventually achieved when a group of fourteen year old negotiators were brought in to tell the band that their stance was 'lame'.

Hip hop community in mourning as 50 Cent commits commercial suicide, Los Angeles, US
Hip Hop's glitterati gathered in Los Angeles yesterday to mourn the commercial suicide of 50 cent last month. The star's suicide coincided with the release of his second album last week which features tracks like 'No war without justification,' 'Stay in School' and 'My life is not a model but a warning.' Delivering the eulogy Dr Dre encouraged the audiene to remember the real 50 cent, 'The gansta with more lead inside him than a Staples store' rather than the caring, thoughtful artist he had sought to become. 'Cent came to stardom late, in a hail of bullets,' Dre said, 'We commend his bad soul to Biggie and all the Saints'. The ceremony finished with a 438 gun salute delivered by the crowd of nearly eighty outside the church.


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