 Bucks,
UK
Police and hostage negotiators continue to camp outside Beckingham
Palace, home of Victoria and David Beckham as the siege involving
the couple and three paparazzi photographers enters it's second
week. The incident began during an abortive shopping trip made
by the couple to London in the run-up to Christmas. The Beckham's
emerged from the fashionable Prada store to find themselves ignored
by photographers who, unbeknown to the couple, were awaiting
the emergence of Wayne Rooney and girlfriend Coleen from nearby
Tiffany's. Upon becoming aware of the lack of paparazzi interest
Victoria Beckham turned from her waiting car and confronted the
three photographers. Eye witness reports suggest the three asked
Mrs Beckham to get out of the way of their potential shot and
one photographer reportedly raised an arm to ward her back, this
action led to a scuffle and as the Beckham's car reversed down
the street Victoria was heard to shout 'get them in David,' and
then berate her husband with a cry of 'and the cameras'. The
couple then climbed into their car and sped away. The alarm was
raised several days later not by family or friends of the paparazzi
who can't be traced but rather by the editor of Now
magazine who became suspicious about a flood of 'at home with'
articles being prepared at rival magazine. Jake Twitch of 'Now'
told dialysis, 'Access to Beckingham Palace is the Holy Grail
of gossip magazines, so when I heard that 'Hello', 'Heat' and
'Closer' were all preparing exclusive features I knew something
was afoot. Representatives of Real Madrid say they expect the
England star to return for New Year fixtures in the next few
days. Mrs Beckham's record company were unavailable for comment. |
Manchester,
UK
The untimely death of Radio 1 DJ
John Peel has prompted an economic crisis for a legion of small
record shops in the run-up to Christmas with trading in key Yo
La Tengo and Fall CDs significantly down. Ed Harper of Guinness
Records in Manchester told a conference of independent record
retailers that the loss of Peel was not only a loss to music
but a loss to music retailing. 'Peel was a cast iron guarantee
to bringing in those people disenfranchised by the formulaic
and mass-produced likes of Bjork and Lou Reed, particularly in
his oh-so-obvious 'Metal Mchine Music' phase. Now independent
retailers up and down the land are having to pay exorbitant storage
costs on stacks of limited edition 'Shitmat' vinyl or Gorky's
Zygotic Mynci CD samplers.' Harper called for action from Radio
1 to address the problem citing the untimely death of a colleague
buried under a landslide of obscure Peruvian Gabba purchased
in expectation of Peel's return from his vacation.
London,
UK
The Chinatown area of London's Soho has applied for granted
city status along with three other towns in the UK. Chinatown
joins Stoke-on-Trent, Rotherham and Hartlepool on the Home Office's
list for the single upgrade available in 2005. City status has
little concrete meaning for the towns on which it is conferred
but there is a widespread belief that it provides a morale boost
for government employees in the area and can make a town a more
palatable place to do business. The inclusion of Chinatown on
the shortlist has angered representatives of the other three
towns who claim that the area, little more than three streets
crammed between Soho proper and the Charing Cross Road, is far
removed from the definition of a city but Ho Chu Wan, leader
of the Chinatown team campaigning for the honour and restaurant
owner in Chinatown says the statistics are on the area's side,
'Chinatown may be small but it has more and better restaurants
than Stoke-on-Trent, a stronger economy than Rotherham, and,
thanks to our host of back-street sweatshops, we have a bigger
population than Hartlepool.'
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Cheshire, UK
Rumours are gaining currency that the League
for Cruel Sports is planning to continue hunting using the
sewer system in major systems
when a ban comes into effect later this year. Vets in key
hunting areas report treating horses for diseases more closely
associated with sewage workers, such as foot rot and inflamed
nostrils, a difficult condition to detect in horses, and many
residents in London, Manchester and Leeds have reported unusual
sounds from storm drains over the past few weeks. Circumstantial
evidence from dry cleaners contacted by dialysis also point
to hunts taking place in significantly dirtier environments
than previously. A spokesperson for the League for Cruel Sports
maintained that the organisation would continue to fight the
ban declaring it unconstitutional and against the will of the
people but when questioned on whether hunting would go underground
he would say only, 'Where there's a whip, there's a way,' before
brushing what looked suspiciously like a used condom from his
jacket.
Fallujah, Iraq
Over a dozen of the remaining residents
of Fallujah turned out in force yesterday to cheer three platoons
of US marines into the city. The residents, trapped since last
Wednesday by masonry from the upper floors of a hospital in
which they had
been taking shelter, emerged from the rubble with bloodied
hands and severe dehydration to salute the soldiers who had
liberated Fallujah. Celebrations turned into tragedy shortly
later however as nine of the group were shot dead after looting
a nearby convenience store for food and water. A spokesperson for the 3rd
US Infantry told reporters, 'There are always casualties in
war, that's why it's called war. If there weren't it would
be little more than a playground tussle involving inventive
insults about people's parents.
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